In the wake of the social conversation surrounding gender identity, some workers may feel the (legitimate) need to “come out” as LGBT+* (lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans) at work in order to clarify their gender identity or sexual orientation to their colleagues or employer. There are benefits to this (the satisfaction of being able to be yourself), but also, in some settings, drawbacks. We spoke with Maxime Dumais, a career counsellor in private practice and president and founder of Création-Carrière.
Before we get to the heart of the matter (the advice), Maxime Dumais highlights some of the advantages, but also the disadvantages, of such an announcement at work.
The people I’ve heard come out at work – and studies confirm it – say they feel more authentic; and authenticity is strongly correlated with well-being at work. They can be themselves and develop authentic relationships with their coworkers. Their day-to-day lives are also much simpler, since they don’t have to hide their personal lives.”
Added to the benefits is the satisfaction of being a “role model” for the new generation or those who are uncomfortable with their identity or orientation.
On the downside, he points out that some workplaces remain resistant to gender diversity. As an example, he names the police and the army, where harassment continues to be experienced on an individual basis despite official policies that condemn it. More surprisingly, he also points to the school environment, where professors who come out openly about their sexual orientation face backlash from parents (who withdraw their children from the course) and derogatory comments from students, colleagues and administrators, according to a study by GRIS.
Coming out may provoke negative reactions – verbal or nonverbal – from some people. That doesn’t mean you should give up, but it does emphasize the importance of being prepared,” says the guidance counsellor.
1. Take the temperature of the environment
First of all, Maxime Dumais advises against addressing the issue in a resume or in an interview. Hiring a person, he reminds us, should not be based on gender or sexual orientation.
My first piece of advice is to try to find out if there are other people in the workplace who are LGBTQ and if there are any coming out stories in the workplace. Taking the temperature of the professional environment will help one know how much planning and formalization is needed for their announcement. If we learn that there has been harassment in the past, it may prompt us to take some precautions.”
2. Find allies
One precaution is to find sympathetic allies.
Before announcing your sexual orientation, it’s best to identify colleagues who can support you in this action,” advises Maxime Dumais. The support can come from someone of the same sexual orientation as you, but it’s even better if it comes from someone of a more ‘traditional’ orientation – even though I don’t like that word – because then normalization could be easier with colleagues.”
If necessary, Maxime Dumais suggests enlisting the help of human resources to prepare the ground in advance. For example, HR managers are responsible for educating employees about diversity issues. Some companies have instituted the practice of using pronouns in email signatures and on LinkedIn profiles to send a clear signal of openness to gender diversity.
3. Timing and wording
The announcement can be made in different ways: it can be as banal as talking for the first time about an activity you did with your “boyfriend” (if you’re gay) or with your “girlfriend” (if you’re lesbian). It can be more formal, by announcing it during a team meeting. In all cases, Maxime Dumais suggests thinking about how to do it in advance.
In an environment where prejudices have been identified, it is probably not a good idea to come out during a happy hour when people have a drink in their hand. Alcohol can increase reactions tenfold.”
4. Be a good listener and show empathy
To conclude, Maxime Dumais adds a “bonus” piece of advice, addressed to people who receive an announcement of this type.
Coming out is not a trivial act. If a colleague confides in us, it means that he or she trusts us a lot. It’s important to be empathetic and to listen. Also, asking questions and taking an interest in the process can be a way to show the person that we recognize the importance of their gesture.”
*LGBT+ appointments can extend to LGBTQIA+ for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, intersex and asexual. (source: wikipedia)
