As an introvert, it’s not always easy to assert your ideas (no matter how good they are!) in a meeting—especially when faced with strong personalities that dominate the conversation or, at times, engage in “silent intimidation.” What techniques can you use to break free from the passive role you’ve taken on? We discussed this with Linda Valade, author of a book on Silent Intimidation and a specialist in non-verbal communication.
- Mind Your Posture
Let’s start with what depends on you—what you can do before even considering what others are doing around you. Linda Valade advises preparing for your intervention by paying close attention to your posture.
Before speaking, you can adopt a confident, upright posture while physically occupying space. “I place my feet firmly on the ground, shoulder-width apart. I open my shoulders, clear my vital organs, and place my hands on the table or on my hips,” she enumerates.
This may seem trivial, but it’s backed by science. In 2013, a Harvard researcher showed that if an individual adopts a confident posture for 120 seconds, their testosterone levels increase by 20% while cortisol (the stress hormone) decreases by 25%.
“This is extremely powerful,” the consultant emphasizes. “When we take such a posture, something happens in our brain. It’s far from insignificant,” she explains.
- Prepare Your Contribution
The second approach is preparation.
If you know the meeting will cover a certain topic, it’s helpful to note two or three points you want to contribute to the discussion. “This allows you to have a structure in mind. If someone’s gaze destabilizes me, I can regain my focus by referring back to my notes,” she advises.
When it’s your turn to speak, Linda Valade suggests announcing the parameters of your intervention (“There are two points I’d like to address”) to ensure you maintain “the floor” until the end of your speech, thus avoiding interruptions.
- Look for Allies
When it’s your turn to speak, it’s not the time to worry about what you’re doing right or wrong, or to be overly concerned about your posture. The best way to disconnect from your audience? Allow too much space for your “internal dialogue.”
“If you’re talking to yourself while addressing your audience, it will be very difficult to be engaging. To captivate your audience, you must be 100% in the moment. Communication is never one-way; it’s always a two-way mechanism.”
The consultant suggests that the speaker scan the room. On one hand, you can identify those who “aren’t listening” and try to engage them. More importantly, it’s a chance to see who your allies are.
“When you speak, your allies can be very helpful. By scanning the room, you might notice those leaning forward, nodding, and listening attentively. Looking at these individuals can boost your confidence and give you some courage.”
- Address Inappropriate Behaviors
Despite these first three tips, you may still encounter strong personalities who try to intimidate you in “silent” ways. How? By rolling their eyes, sighing, interrupting you, or encroaching on your personal space…
One strategy is to name the inappropriate behavior of the individual. If someone interrupts you, you can simply say, “I’ll give you the floor when I’m finished,” thereby addressing their inappropriate behavior. “It becomes much harder for them to interrupt you again.”
These techniques, of course, require practice. The support of a manager who is attentive to these situations can also make a significant difference. Speaking up is not an absolute right—it’s something to be shared with kindness and consideration.
